Team 7 Drunk?
by Drunken Madness
Summary: Team 7 decides to have a little party after a successful mission...Naruto is the only one left standing...chaos ensures...Epilogue up! Last addition to Team 7 Drunk?...Payback has never been fun...Naruto knows that better then anyone now!
1. Chapter 1: The last one standing

A/N This is Drunken Madness's Emily posting a solo project of mine that I've had in the closest for the longest time… I've finally finished torturing the characters and here it is…by the way I don't own Naruto Blanket disclaimer…enjoy

/Thoughts/

_Sound affects_

(The Point of View of the character mentioned in brackets)

Team 7…DRUNK?

Chapter One

(Sasuke)

/Cold/

That was the first thought that Sasuke registered after struggling through the layers of his consciousness.

/What the hell happened to me?/

He looked across to see Kakashi and Sakura flat on their backs…snoring

And Naruto…

/Do I even want to know?/ Sasuke though in exasperation.

_Jaws Music_

He slowly turned his head to the other side to find a rather serious looking Naruto standing over him.

/What in the hell happened?!?"/

Naruto seemed to read his mind and stated, "You got drunk…"

WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

_Thump_

(Sasuke just fainted)

(Naruto)

Naruto sighed in exasperation.

/Oh well, so much for teasing mister-stick-up-his-butt/

Naruto grinned in anticipation…

/Hey that doesn't mean I can't have some fun/…Insert evil Naruto laugh

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Holds up a sign saying "Oh No"

That's right. Naruto is the only ninja in the vicinity that is not drunk/hung-over. Be afraid, be very afraid!


	2. Chapter 2: It has begun

Team 7…DRUNK?

Chapter Two

(Sasuke)

There was a light breeze swinging Sasuke to and fro.

/This is kinda nice he thought groggily./

Sasuke pried open his eyes and groaned when he saw where he was…where Naruto had put him.

"I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!"

Sasuke's yell echoed through the Konoha village and every leaf ninja flew out doors, windows and even through walls to see what was going on. Only to find the last survivor of the Uchiha, top genin and iceman, was hanging from the nose of the Third Hokage carved into the side of the mountainside.

Sasuke groaned again, mentally bashing Naruto to a pulp in his head. He froze when he felt a breeze travelling up the inside of his leg…

/Wait a minute…how could this happen? I……Oh no/

Sasuke looked down to see not his usual attire but a pink dress complete with lacy black panties.

"NARUTO I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!"

(Sakura)

Birds twittered overhead as the pink-haired kunoichi stirred from Sasuke-filled dreams. Hearing running water nearby she stumbled towards the stream.

Sakura sighed gratefully as the cool water slowly washed away the alcohol-induced haze that floated round her brain. Running her hand through her hair she realised that it was terribly mattered and…shorter (?) then usual.

/It's just the drink, Sakura, get a grip/ she mentally berated herself.

Taking a couple of reassuring breaths she drew together her shaken nerves.

/Now look in your reflection in the water and see that everything is fine/

She looked down at the water to see…

_Jaws music (I know cliché)_

She was no longer a she…but…a he!

AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Kakashi)

Meanwhile…

Kakashi pried open his eyes, groaning slightly at the light that sent pinpricks of pain to his brain.

/Awww crap, I'm never drinking again/ he thought sourly.

Slowly he levered himself off the comfortable ground and was greeted with a cheery fire being fed by Naruto.

Lazily he watched the flames flare up as Naruto ripped out pages from some book.

_RIP_…FLARE…_RIIIIP_…FLARE…_RIIIIIIIP_

/What's he tearing up anyway/ Kakashi wondered.

Slowly his slightly blurred vision focused on the cover of the small book.

As the fire flared once again he saw the 3 words that almost stopped his heart

Icha Icha Paradise.

TBC…

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Disclaimer: Drunken Madness doesn't own Naruto or any of its characters but enjoy the privilege of torturing them grin don't sue please! Please review and tell me what you think


	3. Chapter 3: It all comes tumbling down!

Team 7…DRUNK?

Chapter Three

(Naruto)

Naruto cacked himself silly from his perch in a rather convenient tree as he surveyed the unfolding chaos. Inspecting his carnage he observed his clone, still ripping out pages of the sacred 'Icha Icha Paradise" while Kakashi looked like he was torn between ritual suicide and committing murder, or maybe both by the looks of things.

(Sasuke)

Swinging to from the nose of the third, Sasuke was swearing chronically whilst struggling against his bonds. He cringed as he heard wolf whistles and was reminded yet again that his pink dress was not hiding his panties.

(Sakura)

Legs up to her chest Sakura was rocking backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards whilst chanting, "I'm not a guy, I'm not a guy…if I'm a guy that means Sasuke would have to be GAY!… sob I'M NOT A GUY!!!!!!!!!"

(Naruto)

While marvelling a Sasuke's amazing vocabulary and gynamistic skills, Naruto was suddenly struck with a thought…what happens when he gets out? He whimpered in the anticipation of the coming pain, but shook himself from his self induced nightmare…

/It'll be fine…I tied those ropes so he couldn't use jutsu's, Kakashi-sensei only has my clone and Sakura doesn't even know that it was me that put that crappy illusion up/

Sighing deeply Naruto grinned again, chuckling at his team-mates 'misfortune'…it really was priceless…

Then it all went wrong…Naruto's laughter died in his throat and the smile slid off his face as his 'fun' went slowly sour.

(Kakashi)

/I will never forgive all those who defile the sacred book/

Opting for revenge instead of death he gave an unearthly roar, jumped to his feet and racing towards 'Naruto', who after being beaten to bloody pulp, disappeared in a poof of smoke.

(Naruto)

"Oh crap…"

(Sasuke)

Sasuke had finally 'freed' himself after the Hokage took pity on him and threw a kunai, cutting his bonds.

He laughed manically, tossing back his head and cackling, looking like some deranged Orochimaru wannabe…He vowed revenge: Death to Naruto.

(Naruto)

Dark clouds rolled across the sun

"Oh crap, Oh crap"

(Sakura)

Still rocking backwards and forwards

"I'm not a guy, Sasuke is not gay, I'm not gay, Sasuke is not gay., I'm not a guy…?"

Just as she was about to go through another rambling verse of denials she heard a scream that seemed to cut through her hysteria…

/Wait a minute…/

Glancing down her hands she formed a quick seal…

"Kai"

Watching as the foreign features dissolved to reveal her body she shook with fury…

/Who ever did this was going to pay…going to pay dearly/

"Ha ha ha"

(Inner Sakura)

"GOING TO PAY DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(Naruto)

_Whimper_

"Oh, crap, Oh crap, Oh crap…I don't wanna die."

Turning tail he ran into the concealing forest…praying for a miracle…

**TBC**

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Disclaimer: Drunken Madness doesn't own Naruto or any of its characters; we're just borrowing for a while…


	4. Chapter 4: Revenge is near!

Team 7…DRUNK?

Chapter Four

A/N Chapter Four Already? This chapters for "Thank you people who are nice" and DeMonN-oF-LiFe who reviewed...I love ypu guys! Anywho...on with the torture

(Naruto)

Naruto didn't need to look behind him to see Sakura, Kakashi-sensei and that bastard hot on his tail. He could practically feel their hatred penetrating his skin, burning the promise of retribution through layers of muscle and bone. The fireballs being continually shot at his person by a somewhat pissed team-mate was a good indicator aswell.

Even though Naruto was facing certain doom he still laughed. That's right, laughed. He was going to die anyway, why not laugh at his results? Sasuke shot another fireball at his head, singeing his sunshine hair as it passed.

/That was my favourite section of hair too/ he lamented internally…

Kinda smells like that new type of ramen that was introduced at Ichiraiku, it was sooooooo good. Man now I'm hungry…WOW!

Naruto veered to the left as another round of fireballs decided to take a lick at his arm…they were getting closer and now he was hungry…life just wasn't fair…

(Sasuke)

Sasuke was running. His prey was so close he could almost reach out and claw it to death. Disregarding the fact that he was wearing the remains of the pink dress, that looked like a wannabee toga, through the forest in black panties, Sasuke pursued. All he was concerned with was making Naruto pay. He'd fix the 'George of the jungle' look after he put Naruto in his own pretty little frilly dress and use him as a piñata. Yes, a piñata. Then he'd share his piñata around Konoha, oh and of course...he would provide the baseball bats...then he'd kill him.

Laughing insanely he prepared to shoot another volley of death and suffering. Yes…Naruto would pay...muhahahahaha

(Sakura)

Sakura was in a considerably calmer mood after she's dispelled the illusion, which wasn't easy to do with a raging headache but she, being the lovely person she was, was ready to let Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-kun have their revenge first then, she'd RIP NARUTO LIMB FROM LIMB and trample his remains into a substance consistent with that of jelly. Then she'd make a little profit out of a new jam…ere de Naruto. Yes he would pay!

(Kakashi)

/Naruto must die/

/Naruto must DIE/

/Naruto MUST DIE/

/NARUTO MUST DIE/

Activates sharigan

/DIE!!!!!!!!!!/

(Naruto)

Naruto gulped as he watched a gay Tarzan, rabid teacher (at least he thought he was frothing at the mouth) and a calm? Sakura chase him through the jungle of despair and suffering (at least that's what it was for him)…he was soooooooooooooooooooo screwed.

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Will they catch him? Find out in the next chapter of "Team 7...Drunk?!?" :) Two chapters to go...Thank you (again) to "DeMonN-oF-LiFe" and "Thank you people who are nice" for reviwing

PS If you like Inuyasha check out Beer the Drink of love!


	5. Chapter 5: The jaws of death close in

Team 7…Drunk?

Chapter Five

**This chapter has been edited...the next chapters have been completed and after they are beta read, will be posted tomorrow [chapter six and the day after that [chapter seven/epilogue Thank you for you patience...**

A/N We are coming to the end…but there is plenty on torture to come…

Thanks you to blumarshin, Jessica, nickel1984, DeMonN-oF-LiFe, ikidekimas-anime-adik, Hiddendemon666, Thank you people who are nice,royalphoenix, Bow Down To Gir, ALLStar10836 for reviewing.

This chapter is dedicated to ALLStar10836 who continued to review for updates…thank you for that…here's the chapter you've been waiting…I hope it was worth the wait…Anywho here we go…

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(Naruto) 

Run. Dodge. Live. That's all Naruto could do at the moment…it had been ages since his team-mates- turned would-be murderers- had started the chase. He panted in near exhaustion as another volley of fireballs, shuriken and shuriken/explosive notes flew in his direction missing him by a hairs breadth. He was going to live through this and there was one thing he was very sure of at the moment…he loved trees. They had blocked everything that had come in his direction since the chase started. Leaping from another limb he contemplated joining the greeny nins so he could hug as many trees as he could…

(Sasuke)

/…Piñata…muwahahahaha/

(Sakura)

/…Naruto paste…heh heh heh/

(Kakashi)

……………DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……………

(Naruto)

Yep, he loves trees, and he loved ramen and kicking Sasuke's ass and…oh, oh…there goes the branch underneath his feet…he hated trees…

(Sasuke)

Finally, one of the stupid fireballs hit it's mark, it's about time…now it's time for the fun to begin…heh, heh…

(Naruto)

Naruto whimpered as three dark shapes descended from the sky to his location on the ground. From his rather undignified position Naruto blinked and then found himself bound and gagged on the unforgivable forest floor. He contemplated his fate, praying for some kind of release from his impending doom…

(Kakashi)

"So what are we gonna do to this DEFILER OF THE SACRED BOOK?!?!"

(Sakura)

_Walks up with a funnel in her hand…_

"Lets return the favour, hehehehe…."

(Naruto)

Before he knew what was happening…the gag had been ripped off the funnel shoved into his mouth…A bottle of Sasuke's best sake followed, he choked at the burn before surrendering…at least he wouldn't be quite as aware of his situation…

(Sasuke)

"Not too much…we want him to be conscious when we THANK him for his LOVELY gestures" _twitch_ "I get first dibs…" _evil grin _"Pink panties…I'll SHOW him pink panties!"

/How the hell did he even get them on anyway?!?/

(Naruto)

/Oh…shit…/

* * *

TBC

A/N This is chapter five done…I had originally planned to have Naruto go through all of his punishment at the end of this chapter but it will work better I hope to go in the next chapter. Chapter six will be from Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi's POV when they complete their ultimate revenge, then the last chapter will be the epilogue Naruto's POV…


	6. Chapter 6: Retribution

Team 7…Drunk?!?

Chapter Six

A Long time coming…

A/N I'm sorry I haven't updated for ages, this chapter was harder then I ever though possible to write…Thank you to all those people who have stuck with me and have added this Story and drunken Madness to their favourites and story alerts…this is the second last chapter...the epilogue has also been written and will be posted tomorrow…thank you again for your patience and I hope that you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed torturing my favourite characters

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If the Konoha guards were surprised when they saw, what they considered the better half of Team 7, marching through the gates with a bound and gagged Naruto between them…they didn't show it. Some of them even started cheering as they passed over the threshold into the village. Most had been on the receiving end if Naruto's 'harmless' pranks…harmless if you don't mind loosing half of your eyebrows on one of Naruto's night time pillages, having the bottom of your pants burnt out by firecrackers, or being bowled over on one of his escapes from one of his recent victims. Yeeessss, this had been a long time coming. Naruto threw a pleading look in their direction, only to see all the guards waving him goodbye. You could almost feel the 'it was nice knowing you' aura oozing from every one of their pores. Oh yes, he was most definitely screwed.

The trip was short…Sakura and Sasuke had veered off into one of the darker allies of the Konoha streets. Sakura bent down to Sasuke's ear and whispered something, pointing to a shady looking establishment whilst an evil smile crawled across her face…like some feral beast on the prowl. Naruto shuddered. This was gonna hurt.

[Inside the building

Needless to say, Naruto has never seen anyone with sooo many tattoos in his life. The nin who sat in front of him looked like a walking collage of graffiti with the only break in colour reserved for his purple contact coloured eyes. Yes, Naruto was screwed. He watched fearfully from the corner from which they dumped him as Sasuke and Kakashi fought over which earring would 'accentuate' his features…but as much as that scared him, the evil laugh emanating from the back of the tattoo catalogue which Sakura was holding was downright spine chilling. She had been manically flipping through the booklet ever since they arrived, a gleam in her eyes telling Naruto that he would pay for the mental scarring his prank had caused.

Stopping abruptly, Sakura's evil grin was magnified by ten and she threw back her head to laugh before leaning over to the tattoo-nin an saying "that one" and "put it there" just as Sasuke and Kakashi finished their scissor-paper-rock over their final two earring preferences. Aha! Was yelled as Kakashi threw down paper to win over Sasuke's rock…he gestured to the nin and pointed to his choice and then told where it was to go…raising his voice just enough for Naruto to hear the…

"Oh, and the one tied up in the corner will take care of the bill. Anytime you want to start is good…" Naruto inched back into the corner as the nin closed it…

[Outside the tattoo parlour

AAAARRGGHHH!!!!!

[On the move

Naruto blearily stared at the sky as Sakura and Sasuke 'carried' (If you mean being almost dropped, swung in every which direction, with a healthy dash of jolts) him down the road. His poor wallet had been emptied…and he hurt in places he didn't want to think about (A/N take that whichever way you want grin). Sakura had long since taken to humming/skipping after exacting her revenge; she was awfully cheerful for someone that had just physically maimed one of her team-mates. And as bad as that (her revenge) was, he was silently more concerned about what Sasuke and Kakashi were gonna do to him.

[Training grounds

The walk has taken a little longer then the first trip and Naruto had been lulled into a sorta daze. He was, of course, surprised when he was dropped again…this time he landed on his tender dairy-air and tied to one of the logs of the very training group on which he was officially accepted as a genin by the person staring at him with two mismatched eyes…hold the phone…

/Oh crap, the sharigan…Kakashi-sensei is really pissed…okay maybe destroying his Icha Icha was a bit much but come on, Kakashi was a pervert/

He was broken out f his inner rantings when he heard his name. He looked up again at his sensei and his blood ran cold… "Now Naruto, you shall experience the ultimate anguish…as I have…prepare yourself…'Narakumi no Jutsu'"(1)

[What Naruto saw

Shaking his head Naruto looked around frantically…what had just happened? The grounds were deserted, where had the psychotic teme worshiper, the teme, and his pervert sensei got to? Yelling sounded really good at the moment…drawing in a huge breathe Naruto was stopped by the sweet smell of…food…but not just any food…ramen…

Craning his neck as far as he could Naruto caught sight of a rather odd sight…marching in a straight line was the aforementioned cursed team-mates…all laddened with bowls and bowls of ramen! This is not a nightmare…this is heaven! They continued their rather demented march towards the bound Naruto and proceeded to sit just inches away from his reach. Cracking open their chopsticks in a simultaneous chorus they lowered their utensils down to the bowls and started to eat…

The only problem was that each time the bowls were emptied they instantly refilled, smelling even more delicious and mouth-watering each time. Naruto whimpered as what must have been the millionth time…the ramen disappeared into the bottomless pits that were his team-mates. The worst part, not that watching people eat ramen without him joining in was fun, was they fact that he never even saw them move their mouths! He had yet to see Kakashi lower his mask either and yet the cycle continued…okay raincheck on that 'heaven' statement…definitely nightmare…

A private little hell had been reserved just for Naruto…this was toooooooooo cruel…he wanted ramen too! The edges of his vision blurred as round six hundred and twenty million of the ramen inhalation commenced…he was at his threshold…then blackness enveloped him…

[The Real World

Sakura and Sasuke watched with morbid fascination as Naruto shook with what they had long since dubbed 'Ramen Withdrawals'. The last time Naruto had gone without any sort of ramen, packaged or otherwise, he had turned into rabid demented sort of ping pong ball, bouncing off the walls until he either passed out or he was fed…but this time he was tied down…Following the usual trend they observed the tremors stopping as Naruto passed out…Kakashi let out an odd sort of cackle while doing a little dance of victory at the feet of his tied-to-a-log student…

"Well I'm done, I'm going to go buy another copy of my book and worship it…have fun kiddies!" (Think chipped singsong voice). Sakura and Sasuke watched, bemused as Kakashi 'skipped' down the road…you could almost feel the waves of happiness rolling off him from miles around…Yes, Kakashi was very happy, the: click-your-heels-I've-had-too-much-candy happy…and on Kakashi, that was just plain creepy.

Sakura rubbed her palms into her eyes and a shiver ran down her spine.

"I think I'm gonna go wash my eyes out," she mumbled. Then brightening she chirped, "Sasuke-kun I'm going home now…you'll take care of him won't you?"

Sasuke's slightly green complexion receded as he donned an evil smirk to match his team-mates, "Don't worry Sakura, he's in good hands" (cue another evil laugh).

[Uchiha compound

Sasuke was humming merrily as he made the final preparations. To his left was his still-unconscious-in-a-ramen-coma team-mate and to the right were his tools of revenge. It was all so simple…candy (you'll find out later), a lurid orange skirt (he had fun purchasing that from the rather surprised shop nin [A/N Just picture Naruto over one shoulder, whilst shopping in a girls clothing store), a rope and a pair of matching orange panties (now that had been embarrassing to purchase, but it had been worth it he reasoned). Now grabbing the nearest stick he chucked the gear into a bag and over one shoulder and Naruto over the other as he headed for the centre of Konoha.

[Centre of Konoha, over a main street

Finding a rather nice ledge that overhung one of the main streets he tied one end of the rope to Naruto's legs and the other to the ledge. He lowered Naruto down so that he hung upside down (A/N He's still tied up the same way when he was tied to the log as well), drawing in a large breath he yelled, "PIÑATA!!!!' and chucked his stick down to the ground bellow, scattering some candy for good measure he watching in amusement as all the little kiddies gathered around for a go…who ever knew revenge could be so much fun?

After he deemed that Naruto had been amply repaid for his humiliation, Sasuke made his last trip for the night…and of course dressing Naruto appropriately for the occasion…Sniggering with satisfaction as he surveyed his dirty work from a distance…One thing was for certain, Naruto would definitely be feeling it in the morning…

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(1) Narakumi no Jutsu was the technique that Kakashi used on Sakura in the timed test to get the bells before they were officially accepted as genin and members of Team 7.

A/N Well there you have it…I hope it was worth the wait…I'm also entertaining the idea of writing a parallel one-shot about Sasuke's escapade in the clothing store where he purchases orange panties and skirt from the end of this chapter…tell me what you think k? Please review


	7. Chapter 7: The Aftermath

Team 7…DRUNK? 

Chapter Seven 

Epilogue

A/N Well here is the last chapter of Team 7…Drunk? I want to thank everyone who has read, reviewed and supported this story through it's progressing…hopefully I'll have another fic up in the near future [tramps all over uni assignments…Anyway, Onto the story…

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[Naruto

Blinking sleepily Naruto yawned and squinted at the sudden invasion of light. Swinging lightly backwards and forwards Naruto struggled to process all the confusing signals his body was sending him. As far as he could tell, he could feel a light pleasant breeze caressing his features and he could see blue sky but…he could also see a village, a village that looked very much like Konoha, besides the fact that it was upside-down.

Mentally giving himself a slap, Naruto re-opened his eyes and smothered a scream. As far as he could tell...he was hanging…upside down…from the left (or was it right?) nostril of the Third's nose.

Looking up he blanched as saw two very bare tan legs and orange panties. The orange skirt he wouldn't have really have minded if the skirt wasn't following stupid gravity and hanging down around his chest, which was bare and decorated with odd whip-like marks (A/N Piñata!). God damnit! Someone had pierced his nipple!

He closed his eyes tightly…hoping that when he opened them it would all go away. Payback was a bitch all right. Fragments of memories flashed behind his eyelids…OMG please tell me the PERVERT tattoo on his butt didn't really happen…yes it did, he could feel it stinging right now. That was not fair…he didn't do anything permanently damaging to his team-mates …except maybe eternally scaring the bastards rep, cause his sensei a premature heart-attack and giving Sakura nightmares about having to turn Sasuke gay…okay maybe emotional scaring was worse the physical…

More images flashed before his eyes. A manically laughing Sasuke handing out candy and sticks yelling piñata! Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke eating bowls of ramen…bowls and bowls of ramen in front of him (Without even seeing Kakashi-sensei's face too). Sakura…Sakura chose that damn tattoo and Sasuke and Kakashi that piercing.

Naruto sighed. Mind shutting down for servicing…or at least that's what he told himself. They were all going to need some serious counselling as far as he could tell. As Naruto swung backwards and forwards from the Sandaime's nose Naruto made a resolution. Next time that had a team celebration he was going to get drunk off his face and pass out before he could do anything he would regret, because…payback really was a bitch.

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A/N It's finished! YAY! thanks to blu marshin for helping me beta read the last two chapters and to jjayno1, suzan, VampircRiska08, Chris and ninja-freak13 for reviewing and to those who added Drunken Madness or this story to the favourites/alerts…Emily of Drunken Madness signing out… 

Team 7…Drunk? Finished: October 10 2007


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